This is what I feel like today.

Infectious caffeine and the dream of being something bigger than what you currently are. They keep us moving and driving and striving and trying. No matter what the past provided us and what the future brings, motivation still stirs us to action or inaction. Either complying or competing with our current situation, accepting defeat or seeking revenge, pleading guilty or fighting the inevitable, we make choices of massive proportions.

I still smoke.
I have yet to learn how to keep money in my pocket.
I still don't know how to place the blame on myself.
I was a compulsive liar as a young child.
I am not what I expected or wanted to be.
I accept that.
I am still growing.
I am still learning.
I am loved.
I take that for granted.
I have little to no self control.
I am working on that.
I have ideas.
I fervently wait for the future.
I need to fervently act instead.
I am empathetic, but expect sympathy.
I hold on to the past too much.
I need to grasp and cling to the present.
I will find my own way.

So. Help me. Or don't. Like I said, I can find my own way. Sometimes I generalize my feelings and assume that everyone is suffering from the same ailment. Unfortunately, we all have our own demons, diseases, and addictions. The first person to look to for help is ourselves. Stop depending. Stop leeching and feeding. Count your blessings. Prove that you are worth more than an empty vessel. Shout and reach out. Spread your love and strength and glorious confidence. Carry those you love to safety. Reward your blessings and show them your appreciation. For those in your past have gotten you here, so take the baton and run.

I sometimes sound crazy.
I always enjoy that fact.